For many attending universities for the first time or returning after a break, it can be a daunting prospect. I have just begun a doctorate, and I would like to share some of my academic experiences so far in the hope they might resonate with you.

I came to education later in life when I began studying to be a therapist. I started at level 2 and completed my counselling diploma at level 4. A level 5 in Cognitive Behavioural Therapy and a foundation degree in Counselling and Psychology later, I decided to complete my final year of a BSc (Hons) in Counselling.

I thought that was tough enough. I hadn’t connected with my peers as much as I’d liked to have done. I was in a difficult place emotionally, which created some (real or perceived) barriers. It didn’t affect my learning much, but it did impact my enjoyment of the study. I think if I had made more of an effort to reach out to others, allowing myself to feel vulnerable, my experience would have been more positive.

I’d already developed an interest in psychological trauma, and no sooner had I completed my undergraduate degree than I saw a Masters in the very subject. Glutton for punishment, I applied and was accepted. I then began to panic. What was I thinking? I’m not good enough/bright enough/strong enough to pass an MSc. Both my husband and I joined the master’s programme but in different cohorts. However, for the first year, we all worked as one. I tended to spend breaks and lunches with my husband rather than building relationships with my cohort. I realised my mistake when we were separated for our stream. Fortunately for me, my cohort was very forgiving and very supportive.

Despite my absolute panic at the beginning of every module or assignment, I did pass my assignments. Someone very wise told me that panic, anxiety, and self-doubt seemed to be my process when learning, and I might simply have to accept how I react. Rather than people telling me it would be fine or suggesting what I could do different, there was one person almost giving me permission to deal with things my way. Of course, I would instead not feel the way I do, but accepting my reactions has been incredibly useful. I know I will doubt myself; I know I will say I am giving up, I can’t do it, I’m useless. I’m sure both you and I could continue with a long list of negative thoughts. Just as I now know, I will get on with it once I settle down into the work.

There were times throughout my MSc, particularly through my dissertation, when I became too overwhelmed. I reached out to some others for help, albeit a little late. Fortunately, I got the help I needed.

As you might have guessed, I passed my MSc, and I’ve now signed up for a doctorate. And here we go again! I’m feeling stressed and not good enough to pass a DProf. Let’s hope that I can. I can already recognise my panic. In fact, I made a new word up. I was asked to provide one word for how I felt after my first day. I played it a little safe, but I wanted to say I felt adrenalised. A mixture of terror and excitement! I will go back tomorrow and share the word.

I want to reiterate that you are likely to feel overwhelmed at times. You could be struggling with many issues, not solely related to your study. If I can impart anything to you, it’s to recognise when you need help and to ask for it. Don’t wait until it’s too late. There is absolutely no shame at all in needing support. Life hits us hard at times, and we can become or feel very vulnerable. Keep your friends, family, University etc., apprised of how you feel if possible. Your personal academic supervisor can help signpost you and provide some support. Your peers are also a good resource. Most importantly, you are not alone. I was surprised by how much people wanted to help once I asked for it.

Please, reach out for help. The help is there for you. If you need further support, such as counselling, all universities have a counselling service, and they are free. If you need longer-term support, many independent counselling services offer reduced fees for students. All you need to do is ask.

Laura Rutlidge
18 October 2022