In this blog post, we’ll explore some practical ways you can support someone who is struggling with suicidal thoughts or considering ending their life. Remember, you don’t need to be an expert—your compassion and understanding matter the most.
Understanding Suicidal Feelings
Recognising Signs
I wish I could write a list of clear and infallible signs that a person is considering suicide. Unfortunately, no such list exists. People are complex, and we can become experts at masking how we truly feel, especially from those closest to us. However, there are some warning signs you can look out for. These include:
Withdrawal
Are they withdrawing and isolating themselves from friends and family or the activities they once enjoyed?
Hopelessness
Do they have a pervasive feeling that life is unbearable and there is no hope of it getting better? They may or may not verbalise such feelings but might show them in behaviours such as frequent deep sighs or expressions of despair.
Behavioural Changes
Sudden shifts in eating, sleeping, or mood can be a cause for concern. As can a desire to get things in order, sorting paperwork, paying bills, or leaving a will. Take note if a person who has been struggling suddenly seems peaceful or even euphoric, as this could be a warning sign of an imminent suicide attempt.
Breaking Stigma
Let’s break the stigma around mental health conversations. Some people are afraid that if they talk about suicide with a person who seems seriously depressed, it will put the thought into their head. Believe me, if someone is that low, they will have at least thought of ending their life. Asking them about it will not prompt them to do it and might be the opening they need to share their worries.
How to talk about suicide
Let’s face it: suicide isn’t the easiest topic to talk about. Here are a few suggestions as to how you could go about it.
Choose a Private Setting
Find a quiet and private place where you can talk without interruptions.
Express Concern and Desire to Help
Start by expressing your concern. You can say things like:
- “I’ve noticed you’ve been ___________. How can I help you through this?”
- “Lately, it seems like you’ve been up and down. Talking about it can really make a difference.”
Directly Ask About Suicide
Don’t shy away from using the word “suicide.” Research shows that asking directly can bring relief to someone who is struggling. You can ask:
- “Are you thinking about suicide?”
- “Have you had thoughts about suicide?”
Keep the Door Open
If they’re uncomfortable talking to you, ask if there’s someone else they’d feel more at ease with. Let them know you’ll always be available to listen and ask if it’s okay to check in again.
Stay Calm If They Say Yes
Just because someone has had thoughts of suicide doesn’t necessarily mean they’re in immediate danger. Listen calmly and ask follow-up questions to understand how you can help.
Listen and Validate Their Struggle
Avoid minimising their feelings by saying things like: “But you’ve got so much going for you!” “What would I do without you?” or “Think of what that would do to___________.” Instead, confirm their struggle by acknowledging their pain and difficulty without judgment.
Immediate Steps for Individuals Feeling Suicidal
You Are Not Alone
First and foremost, remember that you are not alone. Thousands of people consider suicide each day, people of all ages, genders, and circumstances. I have been in that place many times, so I understand what it feels like to be there. Encourage them to reach out to someone they trust—a friend, family member, mental health professional or their GP.
Seeking Help In a Crisis
If you are someone you care about is at immediate risk, act now. We have a list of services offering help in a crisis, but if you are in doubt, call 999 and ask for an ambulance. They will take you seriously and will not think you are wasting their time. If in doubt, call. It could save a life.
Coping Strategies
Distract Yourself
Engage in activities that divert your attention from distressing thoughts. For example, I found colouring in a child’s book a helpful way to distract myself and calm my mind. Find what works for you and use it.
Challenge Negative Thoughts
Explore healthier perspectives with professional guidance—for example, challenging and changing negative or unhelpful thoughts. Instead of accepting irrational beliefs, actively question them and look for more balanced perspectives. It’s like adjusting the lens through which you view your situation, allowing for a more positive perspective.
Find and Join a Self-Help Group
Andy’s Man Club saved my life. It gave me a place to talk about my feelings and be heard without judgment. Check the Hub of Hope or our resources page for services near you. Your GP might know of local services, too.
Seek Professional Help
The best time to seek professional support is now. Talking with a counsellor or mental health specialist can help you understand and deal with the things that bother you. It’s not a magic bullet, and it won’t change your circumstances, but it might help you change your perspective and discover that there might be another way: a way to live.
Safety Planning
Creating a Safety Plan
A safety plan is a personalised guide for managing suicidal feelings. Here’s how to create one:
- Identify Your Triggers: Recognise situations that escalate your distress. Is it loneliness, financial stress, or relationship issues?
- Find Coping Strategies: List coping techniques (e.g., deep breathing, grounding exercises, mindfulness) that work for you.
- List Emergency Contacts: Include trusted friends, family, and professionals. Write down their phone numbers in case you cannot access your contact list.
- Professional Help: List mental health services and crisis lines you can contact in a crisis.
We have a free Personal Safety Plan, which you can download in Microsoft Word and PDF formats.
Sharing the Plan
We encourage individuals to share their safety plans with people they trust, especially the friends and family named in the plans. Sharing your plan with them helps ensure accountability and support and can be reassuring for those looking out for you, too.
Supporting Someone Feeling Suicidal
We are often asked how one can best support a loved one who is feeling suicidal. Here are our top tips for supporting someone who is suicidal.
Listen Without Judgment
Be Present: Allow them to express their feelings without interruption.
Empathise: Show understanding and avoid judgment. Sometimes, just listening can be immensely comforting.
Don’t Pressure: While well-intentioned, phrases such as “What would I do without you?” or “Think what it would do to [whoever]” never help. Simple empathic listening is much more effective.
Encouraging Professional Help
Gently Suggest: Encourage them to contact a helpline or seek therapy. Assure them that seeking help is a sign of strength.
Offer Assistance: Help them find resources and make appointments. Offer to go with them if appropriate.
Offering Emotional Support
Stay Calm: It’s natural to be anxious if you feel someone you care about is at risk. But try to stay calm and unemotional. Your calm demeanour will reassure them.
Be Available: Let them know you’re there, even if it’s ‘just’ to listen. Sometimes, a compassionate presence can make all the difference.
Removing Access to Means
This one is a little contentious, but it’s safety first in a crisis. Suicide requires two things to be present at the same time: intent and opportunity. So, in a crisis, removing the opportunity can save a life.
Remove Harmful Items: If they’ve mentioned specific methods, help them stay safe by locking away medications, sharp objects, and other such items.
Stay With Them: Offer your presence during difficult moments. Sometimes, knowing someone cares can prevent impulsive actions.
Long-Term Support and Recovery
Treatment Options
Therapy: Encourage professional counselling or therapy sessions. Many approaches to therapy exist, including Cognitive Behaviour Therapy and Emotional Freedom Techniques. Encourage them to seek professional help, even if they have tried it before, and it didn’t help. A different approach or a different therapist can make all the difference.
Medication: Medication will never change your circumstances, but it might help you deal with them. Antidepressants, for example, may help stabilise mood. Consider speaking with your GP to see if medication might offer appropriate support in conjunction with other therapies.
Follow-Up
Check-In: Regularly follow up with the individual; A simple text or call shows you care.
Community Support: Encourage them to join support groups or online communities. Peer support can be invaluable.
Hope and Healing
Recovery is possible. Remind them that hope exists and healing is within reach. Encourage them to envision a future beyond their current pain.
Additional Resources
Check our resources page for details of local and national support services.
You can also find details of support services through the Hub of Hope and your GP.
Remember, compassion saves lives. By understanding, listening, and acting, you can be a beacon of hope for someone in crisis.
Other resources
- Mind’s advice on coping with suicidal feelings.
- Rethink Mental Illness’ guidance on supporting someone having suicidal thoughts.
- The Samaritans’ guide to supporting someone with suicidal thoughts.
—
If you would like to speak with someone about any of the issues discussed in this article, either in supporting someone with suicidal ideation or because you are feeling suicidal yourself, help it at hand. You can contact your GP to arrange counselling on the NHS or turn to a private practice such as ours.
If you want to arrange an appointment with us, please call 0151 329 3637 or email enquiries@counselling-matters.org.uk. You can also complete our referral form, and we will get back to you. Don’t delay. Act today.
0 Comments