Still Studying

Houses at Murnau (1909) painting in high resolution by Wassily Kandinsky
Students, how are you all? A little update from me. I’ve submitted my first assignment. I notice I am afflicted with similar doubts I had when I completed my first undergrad essay. I imagine many of you feel the same. Wondering if what you produced, maybe shed blood, sweat, and tears over, is good enough. Whether you have met the learning aims as well as trying to figure out what exactly they mean.

One thing I can promise you is that you are not expected to produce perfect work, you’d have nothing to learn if you did. The second promise I can make is that most or all of your peers are feeling the same. I found It really supportive talking with my peers, and we offered support and shared resources. It isn’t a competition, you can learn from one another as well.

Someone asked why I still doubted myself, as I’d passed each stage of my academic journey. It’s a difficult question to answer. Some of the doubts are part of my process and what keeps me striving. I guess I don’t worry as much I used to do, but I was pretty bad before, even at the start of my MSc. However, I don’t know what I would do without some fear and anxiety. I think I might become complacent, which would not be good for me. I worry I might simply sit back, stop trying, and never gain satisfaction in what I produced. The opposite might also be true but I don’t think I will ever get to find out.

One thing that has become apparent is my lack of IT skills, hopefully, this is something you won’t have to struggle with. I have some knowledge but certainly not enough. My next hurdle will be trying to upskill myself.

I hope you are all making good friends and connections. If that is a struggle for you, don’t forget student support services, who can help, or the student union, they often have events to encourage socialising.

My new group of doctorate students are lovely and it feels like a very safe group. There is a lot of trust between us.

As we lead up to the Christmas break, many of you will be going home, and some of you may not want to return to university. Unless it is impossible to return I’d definitely give it a second chance.

For those not returning home, for whatever reason, look after yourselves and one another.

However you spend the holiday period, I hope you have a pleasant time. Above all else, keep safe.

Laura Rutlidge
23 November 2022

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