Age affords no shield against anxiety. Whether you are 9 or 99 years old, you can become snared by the claws of anxiety.

While children often show symptoms of depression just as much as an adult, other behaviours can sometimes mask their anxiety. As a result, you may feel confused and uncertain about what is happening with your child.

However, you have the advantage of knowing your child better than anyone else, which can help determine whether or not your child is struggling with anxiety.

Here are five telltale signs that your child might be experiencing anxiety.

1. They Have Experienced a Recent Trauma

Experiencing trauma is perhaps the most obvious indication that your child might be struggling with anxiety. A heightened anxiety response and an exaggerated awareness of risk are common responses to experiencing trauma.

Large scale traumas (sometimes called Capital-T Traumas) such as exposure to war are clear examples of trauma. And this can include exposure on television, for instance, on the news, particularly when other children are affected. As a child, I witnessed children of my age buried alive as the Aberfan disaster unfolded on the news, and this had a profound effect on me, although no one recognised it at the time.

However, it’s not only Capital-T traumas that give rise to anxiety. More minor traumas can significantly impact a child, especially if they have experienced or witnessed multiple traumatic events.

For example:

• Experiencing an accident, such as falling from playground equipment and getting hurt.
• The loss of a parent, grandparent, carer or friend
• Parental divorce or separation
• Becoming sick
• Being bullied at school

Consider whether your child has had any adverse experiences that might cause them to be anxious.

Remember, too, that experiences that seem favourable for you might be seen differently by a child. Some children can feel threatened, for example, by the arrival of a sibling or the blending of families as a couple come together.

2. Your Child Worries a Lot

Anxiety can cause your child to ask you many questions and appear more worried than usual. They may ask you if they are safe or whether anything bad will happen to them. Often, they might ask such questions out of the blue, catching you off guard.

Of course, you are going to say that everything is OK. Yet, something in your child’s eyes leaves you wondering whether or not they truly believe you.

Remember that world events such as global warming or wars in other countries can leave children feeling very unsafe, as can storms and severe weather events.

3. It’s Hard for Them to Be Separated from You

Have you observed that it’s become harder for your child to be away from you, even for brief periods? Do they cling to you all of the time?

Or, when you send them off to school, they may go into a complete meltdown and refuse to leave or make up a reason to stay at home, for example, a mysterious tummy ache.

Consider, has this happened before? Or is it a more recent development?

4. You’ve Noticed New Obsessive Behaviours

Sometimes children might develop ritualised, obsessive behaviours. For example, are they checking the locks on the doors more frequently? Or are they washing their hands more often? Do they pick at their fingernails or skin or pull their hair?

These are signs of obsessive-compulsive behaviour, which can be a way of coping with anxiety. Your child does these things to relieve themselves from whatever stress they are experiencing.

However, the soothing only lasts a short while. Eventually, the anxiety peaks again—usually from something specific—and they feel compelled to repeat the behaviour to make their anxious feelings disappear.

If left untreated, such behaviours can develop into an obsessive-compulsive disorder, and the longer it continues, the more ingrained it becomes.

5. They Get Upset for No Reason at All

Your upset child might suddenly express themselves in a flash of anger or a full-on meltdown, and it can seem as if it comes from nowhere, just out of the blue.

Yet, anxiety can often mask itself as a temper tantrum.

Remember that your child—especially if they are quite young—might not have the vocabulary to express, or ability to cope with, really stressful feelings such as anxiety. As a result, children release those feelings in other ways, such as outbursts of anger or crying fits.

What Should I Do If I Suspect My Child Has Anxiety?

If you suspect your child might be struggling with anxiety, it is essential that they get help as soon as possible. Sometimes, it can be enough to give your child space to talk about their feelings and have them acknowledged. However, often a more specialist intervention might be needed.

A therapist who understands anxiety can give your child the help they need. Having identified the source of your child’s anxiety, they can offer more effective ways of dealing with it. Sometimes this could be through play or creative expression, and other times, thought records, journaling or other exercises might be appropriate. 

Keep in mind that although anyone can develop anxiety, it can particularly affect children. That’s because they may not even be able to identify what they are feeling, just that it makes them feel bad. Working with a therapist will help your child express and resolve their emotions, even if they cannot vocalise them.

Getting Further Help

Many services offer support to children struggling with anxiety and other mental health issues. Some schools now offer a counselling service, and your GP might be able to help, too. You can also self-refer to the Child & Adolescent Mental Health Service (CAHMS). Alternatively, you might consider a private counselling service such as our own. Private services often have shorter waiting lists than public services can offer.

If you would like to speak with someone about your concerns, please call us on 0151 329 3637 or complete our online referral form. You can also email us at enquiries@counselling-matters.org.uk. We look forward to hearing from you.